Progress

So I went to my Mom2Mom group today. I'm very proud of myself for getting up before Kellen to get my shower as motivation. Kellen cried briefly when I put him with the other kids and I kept waiting for them to come get me, but they never did. When the time was over and I went and got him, HE WASN'T EVEN CRYING OR RED FACED!! Huge progress. The ladies said he did much better today and was upset on and off, but still much better. I prayed this morning that Kellen would do well and that I would be open to the other Moms and that they be open to me. All of that is exactly what happened. I socialized some and I even went up to the food table! Okay not a big deal for some, but for me it's drastic! Being vegan there is always the fear of going up to the food table and coming back with an empty plate because there was not one thing I would want to eat. This actually happened to me at a wedding and another person at the table made a huge deal about it, which only made my fear worse. She kept saying "Well, you are obviously hungry because you went up there." UGH......  So now a lot of times I skip those potentially awkward moments and just start out saying I already ate. However, today I saw a bowl of fruit up there and knew I could at least get that to fit in while everyone else ate. So I followed a girl from my table up and got a small bowl of fruit so I could be all normal while the rest of the table ate and socialized. Look at me fitting in. I say this because I never feel like I fit in. I usually feel like the weird, awkward, quiet, vegan girl. Then at vegan events I never feel "vegan enough" to fit in. Now that I'm almost 3 years vegan it's getting better because I have more knowledge, but still I have some kind of outsider complex that I don't understand. All I can do is work to be better at it and today was a big step for me.